I woke up one morning and decided that I had had enough. I was no longer going to ignore my health. It was time to do something about it. But what? Diet, change my eating habits, exercise? All have been tried before, and all have failed me … or so my thinking went. Well this time I was not going to listen to the Pharoah in me (you know Da-king of De-nial). I was going to do something different. So I did! I talked to a fitness trainer and explained my desire to lose some weight. I had a list of questions I wanted to ask, like, what diet I should choose, what exercise regimen would work best for a guy in my condition and my age? I never did get to ask those questions because she cut to the heart of it and explained that she wanted me to discover the “underlying issues” that caused me to lose weight only to gain it back … repeatedly. To explore why I ate what I ate and when I ate it.
It was a very humbling conversation and I felt exposed and vulnerable … which is a good foundation for positive change in one’s life. She requested that I start by “journaling” my eating habits and including my moods and feelings during that time. Let me share a secret with you …. I HATE JOURNALING! I mean I am not good at it, it frustrates me and I just do not like to do it. However, I really had made up my mind to lose weight and get in shape so I said I would do it.
I started out with some gusto, logging time, quantity, menu, and feelings. Day 1 down … Day 2 down …going good! Day 3 and 4 got a little harder. Day 5 I ignored, day 6 I caught up day 5 and started on day 6 and then discovered a horrifying thing! I had started to leave out little things, like that Little Debbie snack cake at 10:00pm! Why? I was my jounal … my eating …my decision to lose or not lose. Why was I denying the truth? This question was going to take a minute to find an answer for.
The ability to deny the truth is a part of all of us. It is part of the “carnal” nature of man. In the face of obvious truth we insist that the sun is green, the moon is made of cheese, and I did NOT do that! We seek to make ourselves look better than we are, we try to hide the dysfunction of our life behind a curtain, and we convince ourselves that we the one who is right. The Bible tells us that the Spirit of God will lead us into truth. The truth about who God is, who we are, and what He wants to do for us, in us, and through us. That includes an honesty about who we are, and what we are. When we are tempted to ingore or deny hard things about ourselves we need to stop and ask ourselves who we are lying to. We believe in the omniscience of God, His ability to know it all. That knowing includes the hard stuff in us … so why deny it? He knows it, and He still loves us. He knows it, and He still wants to be in relationship with us.
Back to my journal … I now write it all down. Every little thing I eat, I record. You see I really want to succeed, I really want to lose weight, I really want to get healthy. No more Pharoah playing for me. Now I just want to live honestly.